This evening I decided to download the Nokia Software Updater program that allows home users to update the firmware on their Nokia mobiles without the pain of taking them to a Service Center.

My Nokia N80 requires an upgrade as its been very erratic ( which has been reported by many users )

Well, I downloaded the updated firmware, and now my mobile is dead. Having scanned many forums including Nokia’s support forums, this has happened to many nokia phones across the globe.

Cheers Nokia. Im having to endure cold turkey until Monday as the nearest Service Center doesnt do weekends..

Ive been plagued by mobile silent calls from an international call centre recently and its fooking annoying! Im registered on TPS for my mobile phone and I still get these damn calls all from the same 08000 number.

Ive worked in sales, so why cant the sales person from either India, France, Pakistan or Greenock have the confidence to attempt to speak to me and let me know that my mobile phone contract is not saving me money and that they want to send me a free phone with lots of free mins and texts. They must know that I am going to say no, so when my number comes up on the random dialling system they must quake in fear that Stephen Sherry is next to be called..

I did have a call before I was on TPS: ( The following account has been dramatised to add salt and favour )

Phone Rings… Ring ring…

Stephen: Hello? ( In English accent. I adopt this for unfamiliar numbers )

Caller: Hi, I wanna talk about phones.

Stephen: Pray tell on..

Calller: Yeah, the phone you have. It aint right for you.

Stephen: Shall I call it and dump it?

Caller: ( Laughs hesitantly, his mind racing to overcome my smart ass objection handling technique )

Caller: Well if it isn’t attractive to you Sir, maybe I can be match maker?

Stephen: Okay Mr Match Maker, match me with something..

Caller: Ah! I can see you like to talk.. A talker needs a lot of minutes on his mobile. I can give you 150 a month.

Stephen: 150 a month sounds like an engrossing offer. But I have 300 minutes a month.

Caller: Ah! you like to REALLY talk?! To ladies and lots of them I bet sir!

Stephen: And men too. I believe in equality. Not just chicks dig the sexy voice..

Caller: ( Laughs ) Okay! 200mins and 700 texts. Think of it this way, you can entertain the chicks by sending sexy texts! lots of them!

Stephen: But my sexy texts could be done for gross obscenity. How would you like it if I typed: Purple Headed Warrior and text you?

Caller: ( Laughing his sales ass off ) Well I might be impressed by that sir!

Stephen: I have 35 inch legs and would look impressive in tights..

Caller: ( becoming unsure of my skills.. ) Er..okay. Anyway. This offer..

Stephen ( I butt in ) What about my offer?

Caller: What offer is that sir?

Stephen: About me texting you Purple Headed Warrior and coming to see you after work so you can gaze at my 35 inch legs in American Tan Tights?

Caller: Oh er I only want to speak about phones. Now if you could confirm your postcode..

Stephen: You don’t like tights. Okay, brown corduroy then? I look good in them..

Caller: Sir, if we can get back to the reason for the call.

Stephen: Your trying to close me while I try to get close to you.

Caller: Eh?

Stephen: Your trying to sell me a naff phone with naff mins and texts I will never use. I don’t text anyone any more. I’m unwanted. Round here, they don’t like 35 inch legs in tights under brown corduroy. But you my friend, your voice evokes a fondness.. Let me open you…

( At this stage the caller hangs up )

Tonight, I composed a chapter to Ofcom.

Regular readers will remember: A Valued Customer Blogpost from last week. Well this was the week I was due to receive the text message to call Orange and order my Free Nokia N80 upgrade.

There was no text, so I called the Customer Retention department. Here is a dramatisation of what happened:

To Orange Customer Services:

Stephen: (enthusiastic) Hello, I’m calling regarding the proposed free upgrade to the Nokia N80 I was promised. I was told last week by a customer rep that I would receive a text informing to call you. Well, there was no text.

Orange: Let me check this for you Mr Sherry. Right, unfortunately we don’t have any of the Nokia N80 in stock for upgrade. Its a popular phone and you are on a waiting list of 4000 customers.

Stephen ( pretty pissed off ) Do you have a time frame as to when the waiting list will be be honoured?

Orange: I wish I could tell you, however it would be wrong to estimate it.

Stephen: Okay, I don’t wish to leave Orange, but other providers are offering me the N80 for free with a nice tariff to go with it. I reiterate, I do not wish to leave you guys. I ask you this: Why is there a waiting list? Surely Orange would estimate that there would be a demand, hence have enough handsets to deliver to customers.

Orange: Well the difference between us and other providers is that we individually test our handsets. A lot of the N80s were rather faulty in operation you see.

Stephen: I understand that. Well, I will call back next week to hear what the state of play will be then. If its still waiting list nonsense I will be asking for my PAC Code.

Orange: Let me see what I can do. I will make a few enquiries to some departments and lets see if we can escalate this. Give me 15 mins Mr Sherry and hopefully I will be able to give you good news.

Stephen: I appreciate your time and assistance. I look forward to your call.

—–

I did not receive that call.

My friend and colleague had a brainwave. He told me to call e2save.com up and get a deal with them. I gave the sales team a call and the chap I had was excellent. He gave me a Free Nokia N80 with half price line rental for 9months.

Guess which network I chose. ORANGE!

don’t get me wrong, Orange have been good to me customer service wise on my queries - EXCEPT when it comes to upgrades. Their selection of upgrade phones are pretty paltry in my opinion. The only downside will be a change in my mobile number. PAC Codes cant be used on new contract phones.

Now to text everyone about my new number.

A good friend of mine who worked in the mobile phone industry gave me a very good money saving tip today. Please read following dramatised story in which the outcome is true:

Stephen: Hi there, I would like to upgrade my tariff and handset taking advantage of the exclusive on-line plans for existing customers. However the upgrade handset I want is not listed.

Orange: Which handset would that be Mr Sherry?

Stephen: The Nokia N80. Its a nice phone.

Orange: Well, its out of stock at the moment until next I think. I shall pass you over to the Upgrade Department.

( a few seconds pass )

Orange: Hi Mr Sherry, with regards to the N80, its a popular phone. Its sold out and we will have them back in stock next week.

Stephen: Okay, how much would I have to pay for an upgrade?

Orange: Let me see.. About £149. It is a very new model hence the price.

Stephen: Oh. ( beat ) I want my PAC Code please. I wish to leave Orange. I don’t wish to pay that amount for a handset upgrade.

Orange: Could you stay on the line for a minute please Mr Sherry? I’m going to have a word with the Retention Department.

I wait for thirty seconds whilst having a look at Vodafone’s nice contract handsets.

Orange: Mr Sherry, sorry to keep you waiting. We wish to offer you the Nokia N80 for free if you will stay with us. Would that be to your satisfaction?

Stephen: Yes! Thank you and goodnight!

Well done to Orange for doing this. I thank them. The advice my friend gave me, is to request your PAC Code if you do not gain satisfaction. They will usually give you a good offer. I cant say this will happen for everyone, but its worth a try.

With my new digital camera..