Ive had a few viewers of this site find it via the keywords ‘ bum ‘ and ‘ bum cream ‘

So, to celebrate that, let us talk about bums. Men’s bum sounds in work toilets.

Today at work I needed to exhaust some faecal matter before lunch. The men’s work toilets are thankfully not the trough style urinals but separate cubicles. Thankfully, one does not find twigglets floating around the toilet water very often.

As I sat pondering life, and how many toilet sessions Ive had since 1978, I heard an unknown work colleague in the next cubicle. By the sound of things he was preparing his body to expel faeces. I didn’t want to hear the noises of his bum. But there was no escape.

The noises of groaning, airy farting and more airy farting until the moment of ‘PLOP! ‘ disturb me. What disturbed me more was that this chappy started counting in between each brown bomb.

Well we all have to plop, but Id rather not let anyone hear those noises. (I did think for a nanosecond how the sounds of ‘plopping ‘ would be like sampled, transposed and put through reverberation and phasing.)

A silly idea it might be, but I long for the day gent’s toilets have soundproof cubicles, where one can drop brown bombs with confidence.

If you could be more than who you are, more than what you do in life at present, if you could be something, if you could be everlasting, what would you want to do to achieve it?

It is a question I ask myself once a week. The answer as ever for me lies in music.

Fellow procrastinators. I have tried various methods to rid myself of this affliction in the past to no avail. Recently though, it has eased off, new found optimism, perhaps mid life crisis at the young age of 28?

Ive sat back for many years, toyed with ideas, had the power to change things, better things yet I never did them. There is a reason for everything, but thinking too much held me back for far too long. Everyone has talents they never show due to fear or just THINKING to much.

Might sound like a cliché, but don’t think, DO WHAT MUST BE DONE. You will always think, but as you think the sun goes down and night must fall, you look in the mirror and you see yourself older, the youthful ideas gone, the concept of the life worth living gone because you fell into the trap of living like a robot. Living to survive, pay bills and not fulfilling what the heart craves.

Then, decades later when you see grey hair, a body that has seen better days, a life unfulfilled. You look out of the window, you see a young person who looks like you looking lost, but that young person also looks like a dreamer. Then for some reason, you will say to yourself ‘ I wish I was his age ‘

Why wish? You were his age. You had the chance, you thought too much.

Now, we all wish to avoid that window into the future, that also looks into the past…

Recently, I have had many conversations with friends, acquaintances, hangers on and what I have started to find is that many of them have piles.

For the uninitiated, piles is the slang term for haemorrhoid in which the dictionary definition is as follows:

# An itching or painful mass of dilated veins in swollen anal tissue.
# haemorrhoids The pathological condition in which such painful masses occur. Also called piles.

Talking about piles in public places is a form of social taboo, a taboo so taboo that a group of men got up and left a pub as my friends and I spoke about the ‘grapes of wrath ‘. Many people are in denial about piles, but the most offensive part of haemorrhoidal chit chat is the word Anusol.

People go wild at the name, and in my conversational research it is women who dish out Anusol Prejudice. Oh, I’d better explain what Anusol is:

The Anusol range includes treatments to suit every need when it comes to piles.

Whether you use cream, ointment, suppositories or a combination of applications, they provide effective, soothing relief from discomfort and irritation.

There are three types of treatment you can use:
Creams are suitable for treating internal and external piles.Ointments can also be used for internal and external piles and because they are slightly greasy, they provide relief for sore, dry skin. Suppositories are ideal for treating internal piles, ensuring that a full dose of medication is applied inside your bottom.

Each treatment contains a number of ingredients:

* Zinc Oxide is an astringent which soothes and protects raw areas and helps reduce swelling. It also acts as an antiseptic to prevent bacterial growth.

* Bismuth Oxide is an astringent and antiseptic and also protects raw, irritated areas.

* Balsam Peru is an antiseptic which has a protective action on sore areas and can promote healing.

* Anusol Plus HC products also contain Hydrocortisone, an effective anti-inflammatory ingredient.

Source: Piles Advice

When a woman who is in a casual relationship with a man, the prejudice can arise when she needs to go to the toilet. The woman plunders around the toilet looking at all the toiletries when ‘ ARGGH! ‘ the tube of Anusol is found.

This can lead to the woman accusing the heterosexual male of closet homosexuality. I find that attitude a dreadful prejudice and it is rather common but not talked about enough.

Has anyone out there been ‘Anusoled’ ? I haven’t, although I know a few. Their names are kept in confidence as would yours.

I just recently checked the amount of traffic my blog receives from search engines. Its still not really google friendly but most of my hits come from Yahoo.

But everyone is looking for Glen Michael.

Dear web surfers looking for Glen and end up here, please leave me some comments as to why you are looking for Mr Michael, and your memories of the Cavalcade.

Maybe I can pass the details onto him as it may assist in getting a reply from the Xmas Card I sent him.