I probably dont have any readers now!

Such has been the lengthy posting sabbatical I dont blame anyone who no longer come to this blog. Its been too long and I am sorry.

How time flies, sometimes for the better and worse. Since my last post I had a very happy relationship with a very special person and now as the summer ends, so did that relationship end.

Life can be strange, everything can be perfect or near perfect, but suddenly things go pearshaped, love turns to friendship and the challenge of starting again and moving on takes hold.

Im currently in the process of moving home again, this flat is too big and empty now. I will return to full time blogging, but not just yet.

Hang in there readers!

Lack of blogging.

Im not dead, Ive been doing other things but I have so much to tell but so little time.. This wont always be the case but right now life is grand..

I will be back shortly!

This evening, I looked back on some posts from late 2005 until the start of 2006. What I experienced is well documented. On the eve of the first aniversary of losing a parent - no.. losing a stupid parent I can look back at the dark times I faced, the challenges and brick walls that had to be overcome.

At the time there were one or two, or three challenges that I thought were going to impossible to successfully accomplish. Thankfully I did and I feel a better person for it.

My anger towards my mother and her reluctance to seek medical help for her breast troubles has now dissapeared over the last few months. Allthough I will forever class her as a stupid cow ( yes strong words ) there is no point at being directing anger towards the person she was, and now the remains of that person six feet under.

If this blog, or my experience can help frightened or stubborn women go and see their GP for a checkup then documenting my experiences would be all more the worthwhile. There are probably about 1000 versions of my mother out there, sitting right now with their family, not uttering a word to their offspring or Doctor.

Things are good and have been good for quite some time. 2007 has started well for me and for my family. Tommorow will be difficult yes, but out of every bad experience, there is always a greater good to come out of it and in my case it has been proven.

How was it for you? Mine was a well documented mixed bag.

I lost a lot, then found new things to be stimulated by. Music, work, new friendships and, unfortunatly.. new arch enemies. ( I think everyone has at least one arch enemy. I have two.. )

2006 will go down in memory for mostly the wrong reasons personally. But I have a feeling that 2007 will be rather interesting by the way things are going..

So this will be my final post for the year. Thanks for reading and a big thanks to the messages/comments/emails I have recieved during the period where everything that could go wrong, went wrong..

Oh before I go, I have one final observation for Glasgow artist Stuart Murray….

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After work, I like to sit for a while in Buchannan Street Bus Station to watch people mostly escape Glasgow for the evening, and how I envy them. Last week, I needed to empty my bladder so went to use the station toilet. All the cubiles were full and I waited for a vacant one.

What almost put me off waiting was the terrible smell coming out of a cubicle. Unfortuntly an old tramp came out and I had to use that cubicle..

The old tramp looked at me before he left the toilet and said ‘ Ye dinnae waant tae go in thre son. You will smell ma cancer. A think ave got it, n hid it fur like 40 years.. ‘

I just smelled shit.

Things have changed so much in a short space of time. My quiff has gone, I am financially comfortable, pretty happy for the first time in a long time, I enjoy being a social butterfly, music is slowly but surely coming together and people are attracted to my white shoes. Its not the ideal life for me, but it will do for now. My life is full of voices that care and for the most part contribute to this new era.

The other night I heard a voice again - a musical voice but not my own. It was a voice that belonged to an old life of quiffs, being a financial miser, being a procrastinator, and just being pretty much aloof towards all sorts of people for no true reason whatsoever.

This voice belonged to that era. It was a voice whose owner was very close to me, but now so, so distant I am a stranger and vis versa.

She was always a great singer when I knew her, so talented. I heard her voice again and the talent has became super talented. I should be proud of her. No, actually I am proud of her and wish her all the good things that will come to her.

Her voice always used to make me smile, but now it made me cry like a big jessie. It brings back emotions buried deep within me, and memories that I thought were no longer raw. Some of them still are it seems if I cry when I hear her singing again. ( even though it was good to hear her ) That is not good but I will wake up one day and those emotions will be totally eradicated. Its the time towards that day that can be annoying.

Listening to her singing again I realized something: She found her voice a long time ago, and Ive still yet to find mine. Without my own voice I am and always will be.. nothing.

I hate being a creative person, but I will never accept being a wage slave..