Im not sure if I have posted this before. Ive long had a theory that 80s cartoon classic Superted had hidden anti gay/AIDS messages. Obviously the creators didnt have that in mind - its just my deductions which are usually random and off the wall.

Whenever I have spoke about this to others, they too kind of agree…

Superted: His emblem on his teddy breast is like a yellow trimmed public triangle of a woman’s genital area. He is the hero, and the embodiment of good..

Boney: Boney was Texas Pete’s Skeletal sidekick who was, a skeleton with a camp voice and wore gloves and carpet slippers. He had strong homosexual overtones, and as it was made in the 1980s, his skeletal appearance had connotations of AIDS.

Spotty: Well Spotty was a good guy who caught VD. ( hence the spots )

Also, as mentioned by a good friend of mine, why did Spotty not fly up to Mother Nature and ask for the special linctus that gave Superted his powers? I mean, think of the waste of fuel and the awkwardness of wearing a rocket pack.

I have spent the evening manipulating Tommy Sheridan’s mother’s singing of The Impossible Dream onto computer for posterity. In fact I manipulated it so much I am seriously considering making it my mobile phone ring tone. How cool would it be for my phone to ring on a packed bus in the morning with her dulcet, velvety rich, life experienced tones rising gracefully out of my jacket pocket, reaching an audience of work weary bus travellers..?..

Yes. I would go that far.

About ten years ago, I was in a newsagents on the way to School when I saw/heard the following exchange:

( I have edited the vernacular to Queen’s English. However the original was in old Glaswegian )

Shopkeeper: Hi Eddie, what can I do for you this morning?

Eddie: Alright Ali, I didn’t sleep a wink last night. Backside glued to the porcelain.

Shopkeeper: Thats what happens to you when you drink to much! Maybe you should go to a chemist.

Eddie: Oh, I don’t need no Doctor. You sell the cure.

( Shopkeeper starts laughing whilst proceeding to the off-license section of his shop )

Eddie: Good man Ali, We have got you well trained eh! Six cans on Super lager and a six pack of Kestrel.

( The Shopkeeper brings back Eddies order )

Shopkeeper: Do you guys in the hostel never stop? Its flaming 7:45 in the morning! Cast iron guts!

Eddie: Give us some peace and quiet. Oh give me two tins of Brandy dog food.

Shopkeeper:(looking puzzled ) Eddie, Rambo died six months ago. You got a new dog?

Eddie: The dog food is not for a dog.

This morning I went into a shop near the original scene described above. How bizarre it was as I recognised a chap at the shop counter. The smell of cider oozed from every pore. He was struggling to make sense of the wad of banknotes in his wallet.

Now, this chap must be about 50, but he looked even younger than when I last saw him ten years ago. Hardly a wrinkle and obviously someone with a drink problem.

As I watched him place his cans into his bag, I also noticed that the bag contained two cans of Brandy dog food.

There was not a dog in sight…

For those readers who are dreading work after the festive period. I’m sure that Glasgow artist Stuart Murray sums up the feelings of you all.

Well, I don’t find it to be funny apart from Tom Baker’s voice-overs.

Perhaps my funny bone is riddled with cancer and no longer works, but to watch a guy in a wheelchair who isn’t disabled, a man dressed as a woman going ‘ nih neah’( cant spell the noise exactly.. ) or the fantastically unfunny ‘ Computer says no! ‘ and the nadir of ‘ I’m the only gay in the village ‘ sketches are just not funny.

I cant be the only one who thinks that Little Britain is complete nonsense, unfunny and no classic. Its one of those things where the media hypes it up, and suddenly everyone is talking about it.. apparently

Compare the show’s writing with the best of Ronnie Barker’s sketches for The Two Ronnies, the manic humour of Monty Python or the delicious dark comedy of The League Of Gentlemen.

Does this show merit all the awards?

Computer says no!

I watched Little Britian this evening and my funny bone decided not to work. Should I go and see a Doctor?

But then again Tom Baker is funny.