I like haggis and I enjoy hunting, skinning, boiling, eating and excreting the byproducts.

However, I am not keen on Robert Burns’ poetry/songs. Is he the greatest thing that Scotland celebrates? To a lot of people yes he is. I dont get it.

Ive read his work and I am unmoved. I hear Auld Lang Syne and I cringe.

One thing that does not make me cringe, is the artwork of Glaswegian Observationalistic, Flightpenist and Printmaker Artist Stuart Murray. ( Do not ask me why I have decided to promote him in a post about Burns )

Seeing that I am on a Burns rant. ‘ Oh my love is like a red red rose ‘ is total 18th century cheese. Perhaps I should write a book updating his work for the 21st century reader. So, in my hypothetical book I could do :

Oh, my love is like a 12 pack of jelly hoop skydivers
That’s newly sprung from Boots
Oh, my love is like buckfast
That’s sweetly poured in a glass
As fair art thou, my sunbed tan lass,
So deep in debt am I
And I will love thee still, my dear,
Till the sac goes dry.
Till the sac goes dry, my dear,
Till the seas gang dry
And I will love thee still, my dear,
Until the sac goes dry.

‘Til the sac goes dry my, my dear
And the rocks melt with the sun
And I will love thee still, my dear
While the sands of life shall run - ( Note: Actually thats a good line, I wouldnt change that )
But faretheewell, my only love
Oh, faretheewell a while
And I will come again, my love
Tho’ Ive only got ten minutes
Tho’ I can only do so ten times my love
And I will come again, my love

==========

Dear reader. If you thought that was a bit hmmm.. then read some of Burn’s lesser known erotic poetry.

Why did I not post this on Burns Night?