Things have changed so much in a short space of time. My quiff has gone, I am financially comfortable, pretty happy for the first time in a long time, I enjoy being a social butterfly, music is slowly but surely coming together and people are attracted to my white shoes. Its not the ideal life for me, but it will do for now. My life is full of voices that care and for the most part contribute to this new era.

The other night I heard a voice again - a musical voice but not my own. It was a voice that belonged to an old life of quiffs, being a financial miser, being a procrastinator, and just being pretty much aloof towards all sorts of people for no true reason whatsoever.

This voice belonged to that era. It was a voice whose owner was very close to me, but now so, so distant I am a stranger and vis versa.

She was always a great singer when I knew her, so talented. I heard her voice again and the talent has became super talented. I should be proud of her. No, actually I am proud of her and wish her all the good things that will come to her.

Her voice always used to make me smile, but now it made me cry like a big jessie. It brings back emotions buried deep within me, and memories that I thought were no longer raw. Some of them still are it seems if I cry when I hear her singing again. ( even though it was good to hear her ) That is not good but I will wake up one day and those emotions will be totally eradicated. Its the time towards that day that can be annoying.

Listening to her singing again I realized something: She found her voice a long time ago, and Ive still yet to find mine. Without my own voice I am and always will be.. nothing.

I hate being a creative person, but I will never accept being a wage slave..