Ive been able to go to the toilet unaided for about, hmmm 25/26 years now and my toilet ritual consists of waste expulsion, toilet paper, flushing, then hand washing.

It is a very simple process and requires the minimum of effort. But NO! modern humans (particularly men) cant grasp this process and there is never a day that goes by that one encounters someone who either: does not flush or wash hands after a visit to the WC.

My main gripe is the non flushing brigade. I don’t like plops, nor do I want to see or pee over someone else’s plop that can sometimes resemble twiglets floating in toilet water. The only way to educate people in my opinion is to introduce a Toilet Flushing Fine.

The procedure could be executed by installing some kind of sensor in a toilet cubicle that can detect if a person has flushed. (I am not an inventor so I cant go into technical details - but that’s the main idea) So, if a person has decided to create an art installation in the toilet water without flushing, a small alarm would go off which would show up on a toilet concierge’s control panel.

The concierge finds the toilet artist and takes down his/her particulars, sends them to the police who then fine the offender under the Toilet Offence Act. (Probably £200)

If anyone can add to, or polish this turd of an idea please drop me a line.