Everyday for lunch I spend £10. I am no obese and I dont eat much during the day. Im too slim for my 6ft 3inch frame.

Okay, Stephen where does the £10 go on? Cigarettes? Lunchtime beer?

Nope. Diet Irn Bru along with my Sandwiches.

Over the years, this beautiful tincture of coloured water with artificial sweetner has been my number one vice. Its bad I know, its also financially bad at 50p per can.

A lot of money to drink then expel from my urethra, its an addiction that comes on from time to time. I remember once many years ago my mum bought 48 cans from a cash and carry. They were gone within 24 hours.

I gave it up from my early to mid twenties, drinking lots of water and yearning for a portaloo. Then I went back on the cans again, discovered 7Up Free which is just amber nectar to me, but I can hardly find it in Glasgow.

Having looked at the spendature of Diet Irn Bru consumption, Im going to give it up. Ive bookmarked a few websites that sell portaloos.