I must apologise to regular readers by the recent lack of frequency of my postings. Its due to my current state of exhaustion. I’m too tired to do anything, and sometimes I feel that I should be the one in a hospice.

Too tired to do music, too tired to meet friends. Too tired to blog. Too tired.

When my mum was first diagnosed with breast cancer, we all believed that no matter how bad it can be that one would receive treatment and give her the best shot possible to at least overcome the illness and live for a few years more. They wont give her treatment due to her being weak. I constantly seek answers to my questions, but I never get them answered fully. Its grinding us all down, including my mother.

I am tired of the ‘ I think your mother is in denial ‘ retorts from Doctors, Oncologists, Nurses or anyone else who works in hospitals. I tell them as does she, that there is no denial. The woman only wants to walk again during her last months alive on this planet. Cancer is at the back of her mind. If she dwells on it, it gets her down.

I was unable to see mum this weekend at the hospice as I had to attend to a few matters on her behalf. Yet another bombshell was given to me by the nurse in casual conversation.

‘ Well your mum is very weak. She has not got out of her bed at all. ‘

I inform the Nurse about my concerns about the lack of treatment in the form of chemo, making it clear that I was told before Xmas that she would get it regardless of her condition.

‘ I don’t know about that. Does your mum want chemotherapy? ‘

What kind of a question is that? I just barely contained myself..

The nurse also told me that the cancer is in mum’s spine. This is the first time anyone has mentioned this to us.

Why cant a Doctor just tell us straight without spinning us yarns? Should I ask them ‘ Well where doesn’t she have cancer? ‘

These are testing times. Other families out there must go through the same kind of exhaustion that I and my family are enduring.