About ten years ago, I was in a newsagents on the way to School when I saw/heard the following exchange:

( I have edited the vernacular to Queen’s English. However the original was in old Glaswegian )

Shopkeeper: Hi Eddie, what can I do for you this morning?

Eddie: Alright Ali, I didn’t sleep a wink last night. Backside glued to the porcelain.

Shopkeeper: Thats what happens to you when you drink to much! Maybe you should go to a chemist.

Eddie: Oh, I don’t need no Doctor. You sell the cure.

( Shopkeeper starts laughing whilst proceeding to the off-license section of his shop )

Eddie: Good man Ali, We have got you well trained eh! Six cans on Super lager and a six pack of Kestrel.

( The Shopkeeper brings back Eddies order )

Shopkeeper: Do you guys in the hostel never stop? Its flaming 7:45 in the morning! Cast iron guts!

Eddie: Give us some peace and quiet. Oh give me two tins of Brandy dog food.

Shopkeeper:(looking puzzled ) Eddie, Rambo died six months ago. You got a new dog?

Eddie: The dog food is not for a dog.

This morning I went into a shop near the original scene described above. How bizarre it was as I recognised a chap at the shop counter. The smell of cider oozed from every pore. He was struggling to make sense of the wad of banknotes in his wallet.

Now, this chap must be about 50, but he looked even younger than when I last saw him ten years ago. Hardly a wrinkle and obviously someone with a drink problem.

As I watched him place his cans into his bag, I also noticed that the bag contained two cans of Brandy dog food.

There was not a dog in sight…