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Recent events have not been good and they have been documented in this blog. However I have tried to restore some normality into day to day life.

I went out shopping (well.. on-line shopping as I have a nasty cold ) and spent a good sum on books, clothes and accessories. Afterwards I retired to my studio and worked on two new songs. 2006 is the time to show them off. My studio upgrade has been successful in creating new motivation musically and that is the only current piece of optimism right now in life.

My New Year’s resolution is to stop trying to create the perfect sound. Instead of this I want to focus on making a damn good track for me and you the listener. Now, if you don’t like it, then I do and that is all that matters in the end!

Emotion brings on a lot of inspiration. Lost love and emotional pain are fantastic creative spurs. However I foolishly decided not to learn guitar, and those subjects never get realised successfully on a synthesiser.

If I could sing and armed myself with an acoustic 12 string: James Blunt watch out..

Music and shopping are fantastic therapies. If only they could cure other ailments.

Mum is back in hospital. On Xmas day her condition deteriorated.

Everything was going so well. She was eating like a horse, she was happy and full of life and even started making plans for next year. However on Xmas she had difficulty getting up from the chair and began to soil herself. Mum’s stomach had swollen rather badly and by early evening she was in a lot of pain.

We tried to cope but failed. I made the decision that we had to send her back into hospital. Perhaps she came home too soon.

I called up NHS 24 who did their best to assist me over the telephone. They sent out an emergency GP who immediately telephoned the hospital to send an ambulance to return mum to hospital.

That call was made at 11pm. The ambulance did not arrive until 5am.

Throughout the night mum put up with a living hell that was causing her so much pain. I telephoned NHS 24 several times who just could not help. It wasn’t their fault, Glasgow had a very high 999 call influx. In the end they suggested I dial 999, however I got nowhere with them. There were too many other higher risk cases to deal with first before an ambulance arrived with mum.

The ambulance arrived and the Paramedics were rather distressed as they knew about the time we waited for them. All evening they were collecting teenage drunks off the street, escorting them to hospital where nothing much could be done apart from giving them strong coffee and a Police taxi home.

Mum finally got to hospital and they discovered that she was suffering from a probable side effect from a pill called Tramadol, which kills off cancer pain. This caused impacted faeces. In other words, mum needed the toilet. She was urinating all evening but the pain in her bowels and stomach made any waste disposal not happen.

We do not know how long she will be in for. She is a weak, poor old soul right now. Mum has the will to live, nothing will ever take that away, but the cancer inside her seems to be taking its grip.

I saw the X-ray of her chest this morning. It made me vomit. The cancer is all over her breast and her lung. When I saw that, any hope I have of having mum for a few more years died.

Cancer doesn’t take a break for Xmas. It doesn’t believe in it.

To everyone who stumbles apon this page, and to regular readers.

2006 is going to be a good year, as long as mum doesnt wish us to eat steak pie sooner than we want..

Musically, its time to escape the studio, and see what the global village thinks of my music.

Dear Santa,

Have you ever considered taking a year off the job and having a holiday?

It is so stressful and emotional for all the wrong reasons before you are due to visit. City centres chock-a-block with cars driven by stressed out angry Christmas shoppers who cant get their shopping lists completed for your arrival. Shoppers who look miserable and if one tries to break out in seasonal cheer whilst waiting impatiently in a lengthy queues, the repercussions could be rather bah humbug and detrimental to the good festive spirit you encourage.

Oh Santa, why is your visit so costly? You make people become drunk on credit cards, bloated with higher purchase,and after you visit and leave us after the Xmas job is over for another year we are all left suffering with the hangover of being not just indebted to you.

We are also in debt to our bank managers.

What would we ever do without you Santa. Perhaps we would be all richer and even more happier at this time of the winter if you decided to go on holiday or better still go on the long term sick.

The children ( and the adults who act like children during festive season ) would understand. They would also value the spirit of Xmas more and the old hot chestnut that is it’s the thought that counts. The strongest and warmest thought is the saving of money, a wonderful present in itself.

Santa, with your gift of joy and happy faces you create on Xmas Day, you also bring financial misery.