Everyone has an ultimate fear or a nemesis. This can be physical or mental. My nemesis is a bit of both. It is the Glasgow Royal Infirmary.

Ten years ago, I watched my father die of cancer in that hospital in Ward 61. The Doctors informed him that ‘ we have tablets to make you better ‘ and we believed this false hope. They also informed me and the rest of my family that he would be fine after a course of treatment to heal a non cancerous tumour.

The next day, we are given the bombshell that he had cancer in three places and he would leave our planet within the next two weeks for a permanent holiday.

Dad was never one for waiting. He decided to go on holiday next day.

I never got over it. He was an influence on me and although he could be difficult at times, he was a good man and a good father to me and my two older brothers. His death still haunts me today as does the Royal Infirmary.

A horrid building, the physical embodiment of the bogey man. I pass it by every day. Its imposing look always turns my stomach. It watched me for ten years, waiting for the next bombshell. Its as if the building knew that what I experienced in 1995, I would experience within the next decade.

Now it is my mother’s turn.

In September. She was diagnosed with Breast Cancer and was told she needed a mastectomy. After that butchery, she would be on tablets for the rest of her life and would have a normal day to day life.

A second scan last week showed that there were ’sprinkles ‘ of cancer in her lung and bones. Yet again these medicine men of the GRI mentioned these wonderful tablets they have that cure all known illnesses.

However, they also told mum that she needs to go into hospital as there is a build up of fluid in her lung.

This week, they got rid of the fluid. Once more the talk turns to the outlook and we cant get to speak to the Professor in charge of my mum’s case.

Any Doctor or nurse kept saying to us that only the Professor knows and we know nothing. This creates pain and angst in me and in my brothers.

This evening, someone called my brother and said that they will be performing some kind of lung keyhole operation to assess the situation in her lung. The fluid in the lung can be controlled, but not cured. Due to the lung situation it would also be not in mum’s interest to have any mastectomy any time soon.

Are they giving us false hope, or are we just scared from ten years ago? When asked if mum was going to die, the reply was ‘ I cant say ‘

My mum seems to know all of this. But she is very thin, and her voice a little weak. Her spirit is incredible and I know she wont be allowing her body to shut down (if it does come to that ) without a fight.

Mum and I have had difficult times in our relationship. Only recently we have found peace. I don’t want her to leave us, I have only just found her.

I walk past the room dad died in. I see all the familiar faces who treated my father. Ward 62 is along the corridor from Ward 61.

I feel that I have only moved across the corridor in ten years.